POTS: Back in the Saddle

Today it’s more than a metaphor, but the metaphor still applies.

It’s been a long year for Tiara and I.  More for her than me.  She’s been through her life’s longest roller coaster, but I’ve been there too, taxi driver and cheerleader, butt kicker and shoulder for leaning.  She’s been to more doctors in the last year than she had in her entire 16 years prior.

It’s easy to get into a rut.  It’s easy to put things off waiting “until she’s better.”  We’ve been doing that so much longer than the week or so that I had thought it would take to find an answer and a solution.  But we kept moving the marker.  In a month, when summer starts, when school starts… and it kept moving while we kept still.

Waiting.  Wondering how she’d do.  Nervous.  Well, I was nervous.  She had more confidence.  But we both put it off.

I guess, the reality now is that the saddle’s been there waiting and she just had to get back in it.  Figuratively and literally.

Two weeks ago I finally got off my saddle and made the calls.  Putting my worries aside, I knew that she needed this.  I needed it too, more than I’d realized.

Today she had her turn, slipping her foot into the stirrup and hoisting herself up onto Annie all by herself.  No stairs or block.  No help.  She did it her way and it was beautiful.  I left the ring and just watched.  In awe.

It was just a thirty minute lesson, but it was a beginning.  She looked so natural and confident.  She talked and smiled and was beautiful and graceful.  She remembered all that she’d learned in Germany years ago and learned more today.  It was beautiful to see.  My girl.

I hadn’t realized how much I needed that too.  There’s this cloud that’s hovered and seeing her doing something that she loves pushed it aside and let some sun shine through.  It’s not a cure for POTS.  She’s still dizzy and tired.  But it’s an amazing, wonderful, uplifting, NORMAL thing and that is truly a sparkly ray of sunshine.

You know, when a meteor strikes, it changes the topography indefinitely, perhaps forever.  You can stand there and stare at it.  You can try to figure out how what to do with it and if there’s a way to fill in that big ol’ hole that it left, but eventually, you have to make use of that change and make the best of it.

And so here we are.  There’s this big ol’ meteor-sized life change that sort of fell into Tiara’s lap last January and we’ve attacked it on all sides and keep picking away at it with chisels determined that it just can’t stay there forever, but it’s there and it’s about time to put down the pick axe and just do something.  Anything.  Perhaps we’ll throw a party on it, dance around it, name a holiday after it.  I don’t know.  But. It’s. Time. To. Move. On.

POTS is a reality, but isn’t a prison sentence and it’s time that we stop behaving like it is and just live.  Today is a beginning, a taking back of life’s reins guiding it where she wants it to go. I’m so proud of her.


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